‘Give me a ticket for an aeroplane’
As you may remember, I’m at the GJ airport with Tim’s wife Dawn and her granddaughter, Brendel.
We are headed to New York to see the off Broadway play, “Cats.” I’m as excited as any cat could possibly be. Ever since I read about “Cats,” I’ve wanted to go see it. I actually thought at one time I may have the talent to actually have a part in the play.
Our flight is called and we head over to the jet bridge to check in. We are standbys and actually got assigned first class. I’ve never flown before and to be able to sit in first class my first time is an unbelievable thrill. We reach the gate agent and he checks Brendel’s ticket, then Dawn’s and asks Dawn where is she going with the cat carrier. Dawn tells him that she is going to put me under her seat and the gate agent says, “Only when pigs fly. The cat has to go in the cargo hold.” What, I’m in shock. I have to go in the cargo hold? What did I do wrong? It’s not like I’m going to bark and be a nuisance or anything. So now no hot towels or hot nuts or ice cream sundaes. Instead I’m stuck in a loud dark bottom of an airplane. If we were not on our way to see “Cats,” I would be outraged.
The gate agent takes me down the jet bridge and hands me over to a baggage handler that immediately tells the gate agent he doesn’t like cats. Great, he is going to toss my carrier in the cargo hold and that is exactly what he did. And to think I was actually excited to fly. I’ll pass next time.
So here I am sitting here in the dark. It’s just light enough for me to make out another pet carrier across the aisle from me. Is it another cat also going to New York to see “Cats”? It looks too big to be a cat. Maybe it’s a small dog or puppy. It starts to move around a bit and all of a sudden it lets out a loud squeal. Oh my gosh, it’s a pet pig. Now I’m beside myself. It’s true, pigs do fly and the gate agent said I could sit under Dawn’s seat in first class when pigs fly. My problem now is, I’m down here and we’re in the air. I’m stuck. I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture of the pig flying so I could show it to that smart-alecky gate agent.
We land safely in the Big Apple and catch a cab to downtown Manhattan where we are staying. The cab ride was to die for, literally. I have never been so scared in my life. Well, maybe when Tim took me on his murdercycle. Anyway, those cabbies are nuts. I thought we were going to hit at least six or seven pedestrians.
Dawn’s sisters, Janet and Joan, show up with their granddaughters, Lily and Brandi. We all load in a taxi van and head over to the theater. We have a bit of a wait so we found a couple of benches in the back. The kids are doing kid stuff and the adults are chattering a way. Brendel is chasing pigeons when all of a sudden, she catches one. I’m thinking yum yum. she brings it over to my carrier for me to see and I reach out and grab it with one of my claws. Well, the kids start screaming like they’re on fire and the grandmothers start freaking out and yelling at me like I killed the bird. The whole situation turns into total chaos. I mean, what were they thinking? Don’t they know cats eat birds? This isn’t some new revelation.
We finally get to our seats and I’m all settled in. People are talking and the excitement is building. The lights dim and the curtain goes up. Out come the cats. Whoa, the cats are people. What is this? No real cats? I’ve been duped again. Why would you name a play “Cats” if there were no actual cats? They’re people pretending to be cats. How silly is that?
This is the second time I’ve had a let down on this trip. The next time they want to take me on a trip, I’m going to run and hide.